Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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