Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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