And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
