Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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