this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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