She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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