I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
