if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
