Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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