she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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