I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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