Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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