You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
