Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
