in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
