Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
