Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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