If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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