What did we do last night that was yellow?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
