haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
