I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
