if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
