That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
