After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
