What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
