Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
