Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
