just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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