I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
