don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Randomize
