Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Randomize
