I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
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