This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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