FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
