I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
