If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Ketchup is God's man juice
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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