And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
