I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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