Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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