Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
