We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm like, not good at living.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
