WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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