you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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