I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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