My friends, they love my intelligence
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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