I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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