watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
