you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
