I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I believe in your delicious
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
