I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
