Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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