It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
