oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize