You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
