the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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