Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
