i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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