I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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