Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Two words: nipple clamps
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