you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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