If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
