im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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