Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
how drunk are you?
Several
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
