Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
