I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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