lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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