I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
